boyfriend

Let Me Just Gush a Little… Or A Lot.

I am, and always have been, a contemplative type of person. I’m a writer, after all. A significant portion of my life is spent reflecting on things that have happened, conversations that I’ve had, and situations I’ve dealt with. For some reason I have recently been reflecting a lot more on this whole new chapter of my life that I started about a year and a half ago.

While I was trying to work through my marriage’s problems, I was a little bit lost and very confused. Obviously I never foresaw that relationship heading in that direction or I wouldn’t have committed to a lifetime of it. I had faith that it would last, and I had faith in my spouse’s feelings toward me. And I learned the more difficult way, how quickly things can change. And how drastically. Intense love can quickly turn into the ugliest words and actions. Before long, I came to the realization that things weren’t going to get better. We both realized that we had been a little naive and far too romantic in thinking that we were a good match for a lifetime together. We simply weren’t the right people for each other. I learned that love does not automatically equal a good match. Compatibility needs to be there, as well. Look at how many people you know who love the wrong person… it happens a lot! We find love and want to hold onto it despite the obvious signs that there is little else keeping us together… ! And it takes maturity and time to see past that and look at how well you truly fit with someone.

When I moved to Phoenix I received so much love and support from everyone… from people I didn’t even expect to ever hear from again. Others pretty much forgot about me the minute the decision was made, and that’s fine, too.

In the year and a half since then I have grown immensely as a person. I took a few hits, emotionally, and had to learn to keep being hopeful that I would find my once-in-a-lifetime love. Trust me, some of these guys out here make it difficult for a girl to keep believing… haha! I navigated through dating, which is something I really never did before. I would usually just meet a guy and end up being his girlfriend… I had never experienced first dates, and second dates, and maybe having two in one week! HaHa. It was fun, but I am a monogamist at heart. I get into too much trouble when I’m that free and single. 🙂

I believe that I’ve become a better friend–just a better person in general. Not that I think I was a bad person before! But I’ve worked on being even more accepting and understanding… and to have enough confidence to just worry about what I think of myself and not get wrapped up in what other people think of me. (Which is quite a liberating feeling, let me tell you! And a constant battle, truthfully.)

I met someone who showed me what non-exclusive, long-term dating is like for our generation… and while I’m certainly not a fan, I did learn some valuable things from it.

Then, I went and met the man I didn’t really believe existed. I really thought he was a schemer when I first met him–it couldn’t be possible that someone would say and do everything that I hoped they would say and do! I went on our first date quite reluctantly, and returned home a very excited, giddy girl. I felt revived, simply from the amazing conversations we had. Now we are eight months in, and I can’t even begin to express how genuinely happy I am.

Not just superficially oh-it’s-all-puppies-and-rainbows happy… but truly happy in the center-most point of my soul. He has helped me grow even more as a person. He is mature, intelligent, and so much fun to be around. He gives me everything that I need from a partner, and I know he is strong enough to face any obstacle or challenge to our relationship head on and work through it with me. And for that, I am unbelievably grateful.

He is a man who wants a good woman in his life to be his partner. He wants a woman who will be a good mother, because he will be a good father and knows the importance of family. He wants a woman who will support him and lift him up, because he wants to do the same for her. He wants a woman who will be open-minded and of a thinking mind, because he likes to read about philosophy and gain new perspectives. He wants a woman who is a child at heart, because he knows life should be fun. He is the type of man you stand beside because of the goodness in his soul.

Whatever direction life takes the two of us… I will forever be grateful to have him in my life right now. And I’m just really glad to have met him. Because I finally know what it feels like to cry from happiness.

Advertisements

Hello & Good-Bye Mitten State.

Last week in Michigan was fantastic! As usual, I didn’t get to spend as much time with certain people, but even an hour is better than nothing! I saw my best friends, babies galore, family, extended family, and even had great weather for the duration of the trip!

LJ (my loooove, in case you weren’t aware–haha!) came in on Thursday and stayed until Sunday when we both flew back here to the desert. I knew everyone would like him, since he is a likeable kind of guy… and of course I suspected and hoped that they would think he was GREAT, but you just never know… but they all seem to love him! 😀

My dad is always tricky, because he is so quiet and keeps to himself most of the time. And if he doesn’t like someone, he’s not going to pretend that he does. A lot of guys find him very intimidating, or don’t quite know how to pull him out of his shell. LJ didn’t seem to have much issue with it–helping dad get the pig ready for the pig roast probably helped! He loved getting all up in it and learning something new. 🙂

My friends all gave him their stamp of approval as well, which is always a relief. He just fits in wherever he goes! And it’s nice to be able to talk about him to my friends & have them know who I’m talking about… a face to the name, I suppose. And now they have a better idea of why I’m always gushing about him. 😉

And speaking of the pig roast… my parents are the GREATEST! They both put in so much time and effort to put it all together… both of them took time off work… Dad did so much work around the yard & then stayed up ALL night as the pig cooked (I guess you have to watch it?)… Mom made delicious food, invited everyone, they got the tables & chairs… it was basically awesome of them is what I’m saying. 😀 I am a lucky, lucky girl to have such special parents and to have so many people who care about me & make time for me!

LJ made a comment about how pretty much everyone in Michigan just seems so nice and cool. I assured him there are rude, snotty, aggravating people as well, I just choose to keep them out of my circle. 🙂 So if you feel like you’re in my immediate circle… thanks for being awesome!

It is always good to come back home though… the desert is trying to cool down, but still remaining pretty warm… but it is definitely home now. Michigan will always be in my heart, and will always be a favorite place… but I wouldn’t trade all of these sunny days for much… !

Here’s to the Exes

Sometimes it’s easy to look at your life, and the relationships of the past, and become annoyed thinking about the various reasons those past relationships did not work. Perhaps someone turned out to be a liar… another may have lacked ambition… another may have changed and been weaker than expected… another could have not been emotionally ready for a relationship… and worst of all, one could have been wonderful, but just lacked that chemistry we all crave. (I may or may not be referencing actual relationships… haha… yes, yes I am.)

It’s so easy to reminisce and be aggravated that you even gave someone the time of day… or that you waited so long to take action… or that you trusted someone completely. It’s easy to look at them for their faults.

But a better option… one that switches your mind to a more positive outlook… is to be grateful for all of the failed relationships. Obviously every single one should be a lesson. More than that… they will help you appreciate a good thing when you see it. That is, if you’re paying attention.

If I was single 5 years ago and met my current boyfriend, I’m not entirely sure I would have seen his worth so clearly. I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate his open-minded intelligence, or his level-headed patience and understanding. I wouldn’t have taken the time to get to know his absolutely amazing sense of humor, and I wouldn’t have appreciated his maturity the way that I do now.

So thank you, to all of my exes… all of the misses… all of the simply incompatible partners of my past. If not for you, I wouldn’t be able to see how very lucky I am right now. 🙂

I hope that you all learned something from your time with me as well, and have moved on to be happier and healthier (emotionally) for it.