positivity

My Thoughts On Judgments and Assumptions

How many times have you caught yourself thinking or saying, “God, what a skank” or, “He looks like a loser”, “She goes out all the time, how sad” or something along those lines, especially about people you have never met or even spoken to?

Making baseless judgments of strangers is innocent enough, I suppose… I mean, it doesn’t really harm the person being judged if you just say it or think it to yourself… but does it benefit you in any way either?

I don’t know how it is in other countries/cultures, but I know that in ours here in the United States we are raised to be in competition with one another at all times. (Women in particular, but it goes for men as well.) We are, in general, a society of insecure people trying to make ourselves feel better by thinking and vocalizing what is wrong with everyone else around us.

Girls who are overweight want to call skinny people “not real” or “skinny bitches.” Then skinny girls want to turn around and call the overweight girls names right back. People have kids and a family and maybe have a friend get upset with them for not being able to go out, so they turn around and write a Facebook post about how much better they are because they’re at home with their family and not out “partying like an idiot.” The list goes on.

Also, we have stereotypes thrown in our faces pretty much all the time. We grow up to assume that the kid wearing all black with eighteen piercings in his face and ears is sketchy. Or the girl with the tight dress is sleeping with everyone. Or the kid with the dreads and gold chain is a thug.

If you never once made these kinds of assumptions, as a kid or as an adult, then you’re either lying to sound good, or you grew up with the best parents ever, in the best town ever, with virtually no media influence.

I’m not saying I was ever mean or hateful toward people based on assumptions. Definitely not. But when I was younger, yeah, they would cross my mind fairly often. I always gave people a chance and usually they would prove me wrong. Because these assumptions aren’t based on much of anything.

I’ve had these types of judgements made against me as well. I know I have. Everyone has. Especially as teenagers. Everyone is still trying to figure out who they are and they tend to be most insecure at that time in their life, and so they lash out at those around them.

As I’ve gotten older and learned for myself that self-esteem is based on what you think of yourself, and should have nothing to do with what you think of others or what they think of you… I’ve just become happier. Truthfully, I never did care all that much what other girls said about me behind my back. Because I knew it was based off of nothing factual, and was coming from a place of insecurity on their part. A girl once got so upset with me that she cried hysterically and had to “talk” with me in the bathroom because I walked back from track practice in the same group as her boyfriend. And I heard her friends consoling her saying, “Don’t worry, she’s just a slut.” I didn’t even talk to the kid the entire time, and I didn’t even like him as a person. I mean seriously, that is high school for you. I wasn’t all that worried about their words.

However, I did always have the backwards thought process in my head of, “If I’m pretty/funny, she can’t be prettier/funnier.” (Or whatever trait.) And I know a lot of girls who had the same thing going on. Obviously I wasn’t conscious of it at the time, but I know it was there. And it is just a recipe for inner turmoil, and negativity.

I swear, I think every girl should have to read “Queen Bees and Wannabes” and watch “Mean Girls” at like 14 years old. Because the “aha” moment Cady has at the mathlete competition is truly what it all boils down to. Calling someone stupid won’t make you any smarter, calling someone ugly won’t make you any prettier, etc. It’s a simple concept that gets so muddled in the mess of media influence and societal pressure to be the best and not only think you are the best yourself, but have everyone else think it as well.

I really do try to always be aware of myself when I start to make a baseless judgement of someone. If I get a theory about a person in my head I remind myself, “You have no idea, really.” My twenties has been a time of self-reflection and strengthening my self-esteem without bringing anyone down. Luckily I had a good foundation from my upbringing… I feel like I got a head start, really. I was fortunate to have wonderful parents who made me feel special without feeling above anyone else. And that is what it comes down to, I think. ❤ I think we would all benefit from being honest about this type of behavior and just making an effort to be aware of it, you know? But these are just my personal thoughts based on my own experiences. 🙂 I would just rather be positive than negative. ❤

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That Little Day in February

Valentine’s Day is approaching, and I just always feel like it’s a weird holiday.

If you’re in a relationship, I get that it’s cute and fun to get flowers, or presents, or go on a fancy date. This is the first year I will not have a “Valentine” since I was 13 years old… and for the last 13 years I did celebrate it in some fashion with whatever guy I was with every year.

That being said, I’ve always done my best to make it very clear to any guy I date that I prefer to know how they feel about me on a regular basis on random days… on a Wednesday in March. A Tuesday in July. For no “reason.” Anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine’s Day are all great & wonderful & yes I want them recognized in some way… but it doesn’t need to be a big show. Well, except maybe my birthday. 🙂 (Hey, they should be jazzed that I was born!)

Girls especially seem to want to use Valentine’s Day as a bragging contest. A show of whose boyfriend is better based on the extravagant gifts he gets. I would much rather get a single flower two weeks later for no reason, when he has no pressure to “perform” as a boyfriend/husband/etc. That says more than a diamond bracelet on Valentine’s Day to me. Now, would I be happy to get a diamond bracelet on Valentine’s Day? Well yeah! LoL. But only if I felt like I was getting the appropriate amount of affection/attention all the other days of the year as well. If not, then it wouldn’t really mean much. It’s like a guy that beats his girlfriend 6 days a week, then tells her he loves her & makes her dinner & buys her a present on the 7th day. (Extreme analogy, I know. But you see my point, yes? HaHa.)

My feelings toward Valentine’s Day are basically, “Hey, you’re fun, V-Day. But you’re not allll that.”

At the same time… I find it really amusing how it’s supposed to be a holiday for love and bringing people together, when it really just makes the other half–the single half–bitter as all get out. Not everyone, obviously. But every year I see what feels like an excessive amount of people just HATING on the day. When really, it’s just a day. Ignore it if you don’t like it. Letting some thing, or some one, affect you like that is giving that thing or person power in your life. Why would you let some thing have power in your life and upset you if you don’t even care about it? Makes no sense to me.

I’d rather be single than be with someone who isn’t a good match for me or who isn’t truly worthy of my time or attention. And again… it’s just one day. So don’t let it get you all in a tizzy if you’re single. Just be happy for those that found love and let it give you hope for yourself! Positivity, people! Put it out there and you will receive it. Put negativity out there and what do you think you will get? …. I’m just saying. 🙂

Love Is Fun

It seems so easy in this day and age for people to become incredibly cynical and discouraged in their search for love.

I can understand it to a point. I’ve had my share of defeating moments… this year in particular… those moments where I feel like I’ll never find someone to understand who I am and appreciate me for who I am and to want to just enjoy life with me. I’ve had crazy experiences with pathological liars doing absolutely crazy stuff, and then experiences where I’m simply not clicking with someone even though I’d like to be.

All over Facebook and Twitter we see negative attitudes about the opposite sex. Every girl wants to blame every guy, and every guy wants to blame every girl. I’ve done it a few times. We’re all allowed to vent every now and then after all.

Let’s face it though… men & women are just different. It’s nobody’s fault! We just don’t have the same experiences and we don’t understand the world the same way. We have different expectations. It can indeed be difficult to understand each other.

Like I said, I’ve had my moments where I just think, “Men are so crazy!” But in reality, I thoroughly enjoy searching for love. And men aren’t crazy, they’re just confusing to me. I know I can be confusing/frustrating to them, though. 🙂

Dating is exciting. It keeps you on your toes. It gives you some pretty good stories sometimes! Haha. And while in the moment a situation might feel like the most frustrating, upsetting thing ever… in ten years I know I’ll just look back and laugh about it.

Everything is a learning experience. Everyone you meet teaches you something about yourself and the type of person you want to be. That’s how I choose to look at it. Yeah it sucks to care about someone and have them not return the feelings… but sometimes people just aren’t compatible together! We need to stop taking every little thing so personally at times. Someone not liking you doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, OR with them. (Well, sometimes. HeHe.)

I know I won’t be single forever. I’m naturally an impatient person so sometimes I get frustrated that I haven’t found the lifetime love yet, but I know it will happen. In the mean time I’ll enjoy meeting new people and having new experiences, and just see where it takes me. So far it has taken me across the country into a whole new environment!

And I’ve said it before… but if you are going through life with a negative, cynical, defeatist attitude… that’s the energy you’re putting out there into the world so that’s probably what you’re going to get in return. Choose to smile, choose to be hopeful, try to be more patient, and enjoy the dang ride!

 

Put On a Happy Face

Lately on my social media sites I’ve been noticing a lot of negativity. I’m getting kind of sick of it. I mostly just don’t “get” it.

Frankly, sometimes shitty things happen. People act shitty. It isn’t the end of the world and it doesn’t mean EVERYTHING and EVERYONE is suddenly shitty. Why generalize like that? Why would you want to see the world in that light? No fun, if you ask me. Some guys are douches. Some girls are lying skanks. But it’s statistically impossible for EVERY guy/girl to not be worth it. Sometimes your friends let you down. It doesn’t mean any and all friends are going to do that. All it means is… that’s life!

Have we gotten so spoiled that we think everything should be kittens & rainbows all the time? And if not, we hate everything and everyone for not doing everything our way? Life is life. Good things happen. Bad things happen. That’s just the way it is. But life is FAR too short to be consumed with negativity. Everywhere you go, no matter the city, time, group of people… there will be situations where you could easily let yourself have a pity party. What a waste of time and energy. You’ll end up missing everything good if you do that.

Every now & then we all have our “this sucks” moment, and that’s fine. I’m an incredibly optimistic/happy person, but I still have my “hate my life” moments. It just seems like so many people let that feeling run their lives. If you’re experiencing something that’s bringing you down or making you feel bad… understand it, accept it, and deal with it. Then move on and get rid of it.

If you’re constantly feeling sorry for yourself & that’s the vibe you’re putting out into the world… how are other people supposed to not feel sorry for you also? People aren’t going to treat you with respect if you’re basically curled up in the fetal position all the time.

And if you really hate something in your life… if it’s bringing you down, whether it be a relationship, job, friendship, etc… then change it! Do something about it! Make positive changes for yourself. You have no right to complain if you won’t put in any effort.

I’m a big believer in the energy that we put out there. People can sense it. If you’re depressed people will subconsciously be able to tell and chances are they will have a negative feeling around you. It will effect your interactions. Put negativity out and that’s what you will get. Why not take that energy and put it toward being happy?

Maybe I’m just a total freak of nature to think that it’s so easy to be optimistic. It’s ingrained in me. But no, because I have a lot of friends who have positive outlooks as well… I just wish more could! I feel bad for people who are negative the majority of the time… SMILE! I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… just fake it! Smile like you’re cheesing for a picture, and the movement of the muscles sends endorphins to your brain to make you feel happier. Fact. :))))

It will all be okay. You just have to make it okay. ❤